Do you ever wonder how a bully becomes a bully? Where does it start? And why? Haven't most of us run across at least one "punk" in our day? Both my kids, unfortuantely, have had encounters with bullies, as have I. Even sadder, my daughter is only 4. Additionally, bullies aren't just a part of childhood, you can encounter a bully at any age, in any walk of life.
If you've read the previous blog on my Toxic Friendship then you'll also know I have been pushed around a little in my day. Well it's time to put our collective feet down and stamp out the meanies of the world! Why do some people want to push other people around? Is there joy to be found in it? Well maybe, if you need to feel big and bad maybe? Or perhaps you just plain suck? But what I really think it is, usually, is that one person has a deficiency, a void, a weakness, you decide what word you want to descibe it, but that would be the bully. And the other person has what the bully wants. That is what makes the big bad bully huff and puff, and the other party to get blown down. Now maybe my theory is wrong, who knows, but I think we should have a chitty chat about this topic.
First I believe a person's temperment plays a role in who will be the bully and who will be the..oh what's the term? The one who takes it, versus the one who dishes it. Usually the bully is terribly miserable and has low self esteem. You would think it would be the exact opposite, but lets think about it. Look at this picture, we'll call it Exhibit A:
Now look at the bully. Look at his face, all contorted, sending a very threating unpleasant message all its own. If you're a happy clam, then this isn't going to be what your face ever looks like. And you aren't going and pushing people around, screaming at them over Sticky Bun placement (Oh no I didn't!!), with a look on your face to match your soul. Oh no, that doesn't sound like a happy sorta gal/guy to me, does it to you? No. And if you are the one getting pushed around, chances are, you are less confrontational, and the other party knows it. They find your achilles heal and go it. It's like you have a bullseye on you somewhere. You may be timid, shy, and less social, or you may be fine socially, you just might not be "like" the bully or group that is ganging up on you.
Now here is a great example of what happens or can happen I should say when the person who is picked on has had his or her fill of your BULLSH*T.
"> Bullies around the world be forewarned. Things like this happen and usually, when the person getting picked on finally snaps, the bully backs down. The bully is really weak inside, even though they portray a tough exterior. They may be hurting and angry about something completely unrelated to you, but you catch the brunt because they can't take out their frustrations anywhere else. Lucky you.
So how does a bully learn this behavior and when does it start? Well I haven't officially polled anyone, I haven't done scientific research with Harvard or Yale, or spent any of your hard earned tax money following bullies around for 10 years. This is all my personal observation. I think it can start at any time, but certain behaviors begin when they are younger and if not caught in time, this is your recipe for the backyard bully. For instance, they used to say it takes a village to raise a child. Yes it does. When your child gets in trouble at school for instance, its the school's job to discipline them (not physically of course) and then its YOUR job as a parent to further talk to them to explain why this was inappropriate behavior and why they feel the need to hurt others (be it physically or by words, they both hurt and they both constitute bullying). Now if you as a parent don't follow up and teach your child this is wrong behavior, then guess what? Either the child will continue on this path and become a bigger and badder bully or perhaps by dumb luck the child will outgrow this before someone has enough and punches him in the kisser. I think a huge part of the bully starts at home. What do they hear? Are they around yelling and arguing and bad language? Are they around physical fighting? Are YOU setting a good example? Some things to think on......
Like I said, both my kids have had their runs in. My son isn't the jock, he isn't the one who cares a hoot about fitting in (thank God!!), he is a leader, not a follower. He is so different than I was at his age (again, thank you God!), I cared about fitting in, and still struggle with it even at my age! My son is in 7th grade, and has run into his a couple bullies in his day. Now he could easily take them in a physical fight but I've taught him that is the absolute last resort (and only in defense). Maybe that makes him a target? Most boys want to prove their masculinity by talking rough and acting rougher. Again, it's a follower thing. Also I might add, that if your child is keeping company with a bully or little punk, guess waht? Chances are your kid is joining in the fun. And guess what else? Tell your kid to pick better friends! This is the only time when you actuallly have a choice who is in your child's life, including their freinds. I've heard too many friends make excuses on this front, and to that I say PFFFFFT! They'll make others and not get into so much trouble in the process!
As for my daughter, she is only 4 and her experience with bullies is limited to the past several weeks. Is it me or is it a tad early to be dealing with mini thugs yet? oh now, settle down, I know kids'll be kids for crying out loud. What concerns me about her situation is that these boys parents have no regard for this situation. They haven't made them appologize to her nor are they sorry, in fact, the one even in so many words called my daughter a liar. Um okay. If that makes you feel better. However the teacher backed up what Hailey's complaints were, so hmmm guess they'll have to come up with another excuse?
It's too bad that we can't all come together on this. But yet I have hope. Not for THAT situation, but for the bullying in general. No there will always be a bad apple here and there. And these little kids that I referred to aren't bad apples, their parents are just not doing their job to put a stop to it. So who knows what will become of them in the future. I do have hope that little by little we can stamp out bullying!! We're not gonna take this anymore! To all the bullies of the world I say this: you need help!! If you're mommas won't provide it, then go see a school counselor. if you're that angry, chew on rawhide for crying out loud, not my kid's ear! Where is all this anger coming from anyway, at 4?!! And to the saddest of them all, the ADULT bullies I say this: get a life! Worry less about me and more about yourself. Check it before you wreck sista. And now a message to the targets: hang in there. Stand up for yourself, that is the surest way to get these little freaks to back down. We teach people how to treat us, so teach them you're not going to put up with it anymore! Now of course, there are instances where you might not want to stand up, if you fear for your life, that being one. I am speaking in general. If we all come together, meaning home (parents), school and community, we can educate each other, protect our children and help those who need it.
ME: (in a heavy southern accent) PURDY'S PAINTING, THIS IS POLLY SPEAKING, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?!!
Telemarketer or debt collector, take your pick: Short pause....."Um, is Mrs. Bilkins available? May I speak with Mrs. Lilly Bilkins please?
ME: heavy accent: why you sure can't ma'm!! NEED I REMIND YOU THIS IS PURDY'S PAINTING?! THERE IS NOONE HERE BY THAT NAME HON, BUT IF YOU ARE IN NEED OR FIXIN TO PAINT THEN I'M YOUR GIRL!
THEM: dead silence
ME: HON? YOU THERE SWEETIE? WELL SHUCKS, DID I LOSE YA?
THEM: CLICK
Okay okay okay.....I'm bad. It's not their fault that we got a number that happened to be pre-used and apparently well advertised. But I can't help but get my bloomers in a twist, as every time they call it chews up our minutes, wastes not just minutes on our plan, but minutes of MY LIFE, and Brandon can't even enjoy one uninterupted phone call without some other random 800 caller beeping in. We could ignore the calls and let them flow freely to voicemail and hope that one day they would get the hint and go away. But I don't think that would happen anytime soon. Meanwhile, we'd be stuck listening and deleting 20 voicemails a day. No I think our only option is to give back Lilly's number, and tell them we don't really like Lilly. She was a little too loose with that cell number if you ask me.
