It's all good until you get a recycled number

I am a huge fan of recycling. This wasn't always so. I used to be a pitcher. I hate clutter, and I like(d) the instant gratification pitching things in the trash gives you. Ahhhhhh, that clean & organized feeling. I hate piles, don't even get me started. And lets face it, recycling is a bit of work. These reycling centers are picky about the condition the recyclables are in. You must be detail oriented. Remove staples, bottle caps, paper wrappers, wash and rinse...okay, so it's effort, big whoop. I hopped aboard this crazy train about 2 years ago, thanks to my son in part, and the Psychotic Pimple (ex friend, see previous blog post for more info). As much as I'd like to dismiss any and all advice or demands she ever gave me, this one has stuck.

However, there is one thing I would prefer not to be recycled for my convenience. And this would be........my telephone number. My son got a cell phone for his birthday. Yay right? Well no, not really. His phone has been ringing incessantly!!!What you say? Does he have a secret life? Who is calling him all hours day and night? At first I was geared up to lecture him on the evils of giving every Tom Dick and Harry his new cell number. But then he showed me the numbers that were calling all hours of the day and night, and they were all various 800 numbers. Then I started answering his cell phone for him. Here's how a couple of the calls went:

ring ring ring ring

ME: hello?

Western Watts Corporation: (heavy accent) Hi m'am! garble garble garble 10 minute survey garble garble garble jibberish?

ME: Please take our number off your list, this is my son's cell phone.

Western Watts Corporation: Ma'm, garble jibberish survey and jibberish garble of your time?

ME: click

ring ring ring ring ring

ME: hello?

Unidentified caller: Is (name has been changed to protect lady that gave everyone except her mother her cell phone number) Lilly Bilkins available?

ME: no, you have the wrong number, please take us off your list, this is my son's cell phone

THEM: Oh, are you sure she isn't there?

ME: Um yes, unless she is hiding under our stairs, I'm fairly sure she isn't here

THEM: silence.....

ME: My son just got this cell number, please remove it from your list

THEM: um okay

ring ring ring ring ring

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! (that would be me)

ME: HELLO?

Some financial institution that speaks part french and I couldn't tell you much of what the automated thing said until Spencer got on the line

Spencer: Hello, is Sissy Bilkins there?

ME: Who?

Spenser: Sissy Bilkins

ME: It's Lilly Bilkins

Spencer: I apologize m'am, are you Sissy..I mean Lilly Bilkins?

ME: *heavy sigh* No

Spencer: Okay ma'm, is there a better time to reach her?

ME: No

Spencer: I'm not sure I understand?

ME: you have the wrong number, you and 10 other people, are calling my teenage son sir, please stop it

Spencer: This isn't Sis...I mean Lilly Bilkins number?

ME: No

Spencer: Oh I am doubly sorry ma'm for your inconvenience but it will take 48-72 hours for this number to be removed from our list. Until then, please accept my apologies for any future calls.

ME: SILENCE

ring ring ring ring ring......

Now I am going to have some fun.......

ME: (in a heavy southern accent) PURDY'S PAINTING, THIS IS POLLY SPEAKING, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?!!

Telemarketer or debt collector, take your pick: Short pause....."Um, is Mrs. Bilkins available? May I speak with Mrs. Lilly Bilkins please?

ME: heavy accent: why you sure can't ma'm!! NEED I REMIND YOU THIS IS PURDY'S PAINTING?! THERE IS NOONE HERE BY THAT NAME HON, BUT IF YOU ARE IN NEED OR FIXIN TO PAINT THEN I'M YOUR GIRL!

THEM: dead silence

ME: HON? YOU THERE SWEETIE? WELL SHUCKS, DID I LOSE YA?

THEM: CLICK

Okay okay okay.....I'm bad. It's not their fault that we got a number that happened to be pre-used and apparently well advertised. But I can't help but get my bloomers in a twist, as every time they call it chews up our minutes, wastes not just minutes on our plan, but minutes of MY LIFE, and Brandon can't even enjoy one uninterupted phone call without some other random 800 caller beeping in. We could ignore the calls and let them flow freely to voicemail and hope that one day they would get the hint and go away. But I don't think that would happen anytime soon. Meanwhile, we'd be stuck listening and deleting 20 voicemails a day. No I think our only option is to give back Lilly's number, and tell them we don't really like Lilly. She was a little too loose with that cell number if you ask me.