The Devil's Armpit

So I'm going to attempt, for the 4th time, to go renew my driver's license tomorrow. I have lived in Michigan for 2 1/2 years now and I still have my Ohio driver's license. And honestly, if it wasn't illegal, I'd keep it that way and just make the 4 hour drive back home to renew it. It'd be so much less of a hassel!! I am trying not to freak out inside to think positively and create positive vibes so that I can just breeze in there tomorrow and breeze out with my new Michigan Driver's License in hand, skipping with glee and waving it for all to see. Hey that rhymed. lol Okay enough nonsense. I have really been procrastinating for a few years a month or so about going to the Devil's Armpit License Bureau and getting this taken care of. Apparently it's a little illegal to not change your license after having moved a few years ago. So I went in like the upstanding citizen I am to make this thing right with the law. I walked in, and at first, there was no one else there except me and the people at the counters. I faintly heard angels singing "Hallelujah" in the distance. I thought this would be a snap. So I hurry over to the counter, and display all of my documents and verification onto the counter for the kind gentleman to see. Lets see what we have here. We have a birth certificate. Check. We have a social security card. Check. We have the old license. Check. We have a JC Penney bill aka proof of residency. Check. Then it goes to silence. He seems to be studying something. Maybe he's having one of those quiet seizures? I start to wonder if I should shake him, when he comes to and says "uh oh M'am". I say "What?". He says, in a very official voice, "you'll need one more proof of residency M'am." At this point, I was still calm and thought this could all be worked out. So I state that I live 30 minutes away, gas is almost 4.00 per gallon and don't I have enough proof at hand to get me licensed in the state of Michigan? And to that my friend replies, "No M'am, I'm sorry, you do not". Okay, so I procede to make the trek back home and get another bill to prove that I am me. I return an hour later, get back in line, and procede to the front, whereupon a kind looking lady in a cheerful voice says, "Next!". Okay so I take out ALL my proof and my old license, display them proudly for her, and she moves me over to the eye exam station. Yay!! I am on my way! So I read the second line from the bottom, eyes squinted, then I tell her where the red light is flashing. She's says I passed. Then I move back over to fill out a form, and in the middle of doing so, I hear her say "Oh no". My eyes glance upward, squinting, not wanting to believe she was saying that to me. So I look back down and finish the form. I look back up and she has a frown. She then tells me that I will need my marriage license to complete this process. So I scream. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! In my head. Not out loud. Then I politely say "are you kidding me?". Nope she's not, and then I get testy. She cheerfully tells me that there IS indeed a silver lining. She hands me a yellow sticky that will let me secure first place in line after I drive another hour to and fro to go get my marriage license. Why do I need my marriage license? I have no idea. See we didn't get that far, because my attitude wouldn't allow it. I then respond to her that it would've been helpful if the gentleman that helped me earlier had actually told me I needed to bring that in addition to the proof of residency. She says "oh, well yes, I imagine so". Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Then I ask her if there is ANYTHING ELSE that I will need? A kidney? Shot records? First born? Blood sample? What? She stares at me, bats her eyelashes and says "no, that should do it". Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! So I storm out and that was last week, Tuesday I believe. I haven't made an attempt since then. And so tomorrow I will torture myself once again in hopes of being a legally driving Michiganian. Or is it Michigander? Oh who cares, just give me the damn license!