The Downfall of a Toxic Friendship: Sticky Buns

Do you ever want to throw a fit? Do you ever get tired of being the adult, being the mature one, always being the one to "rise above" matters? If you're being honest, the answer to these is a resounding HELL YES. Well that's where I am at on this day. Lately I find myself wanting...dreaming of...having a nice nervous breakdown. ha! That being said, here's the deal. There are people in your life that will come and go. There are people that come and you wish they'd go and then of course there are those that remain forever.

So lets cover the first. The people that come and go. These people can be co-workers, acquaintances, friends even, anyone really, that is only here to serve a purpose and then to move on. Sort of like angels. They aren't meant or even needed to be a part of your life forever, and you usually part ways in an amicable way.

Now lets review those who you wish would go. You ever get the feeling like you just can't shake a cold? Well there are people we just can't shake sometimes either. Here is where I am currently. I have a "friend" that is no longer a friend, however she is friends with some of my friends, and we share friends of friends. Confused? Basically think of a divorce, only friendship style. Then think of the friends in common as your children. These friends we have in common often find themselves having to pick sides or a select few will remain neutral. This ex friend seems to be popping up everywhere and as much as I try to let it go, forgive and forget, be the bigger person, yada yada yada, I just can't shake the feeling like she is popping up on purpose. But I am getting ahead of myself. First let me tell you what brought our friendship to its knees.

Cinnamon Rolls. Pillsbury to be exact. Yes, you read it right, what? Oh stop giggling. Here is how the Sticky Bun incident went down. We were both in a mom's play group together. She was the "leader", by that I really mean dictator. We'd been friends for maybe 2 years, and along the way, I found myself being treated in ways I did not always deserve. Being taken advantage of, disrespected, used, and talked down to. Now I had come an awful long way in this area; so this is the first person I let have this much leeway in a long time. I valued our friendship and made excuses for her, and even convinced myself that maybe I was being too sensitive or perhaps I deserved a good brow beating from time to time. No no no, that's wrong thinking. That thinking landed me in an abusive marriage for 11 years. So here I am, putting up with the female equivalent of my ex husband? What? All that therapy and this is where I end up? I think not!! So back to the sticky rolls. I was signed up to bring breakfast for our group that Wednesday morning. I had even thought of skipping the group that day, but reconsidered and enlisted my hubby to get up and help make the buns while I got kids and myself ready to go. We went, and I was the first to arrive. So I make 2 trips in and out to carry everything without having an accident (I'm a little clumsy, I know my limits). I begin displaying the rolls with chocolate icing on dessert plates that had various chocolate sayings on them. I was pretty proud of my little set up, and knew the rolls would be a big hit with the mamas! In comes a mom here and there, commenting on the aroma and cute plates. And then comes the Dictator. She meandered over and commented with a sneer "Why are you the only one who insists on putting food at the table?!!" I can not lie. I wanted to punch her. This is not the first time she had talked to me like I was her child in front of others. And who cares where i put the rolls anyway? Then she told me to put them across the room by the coffee like I'm supposed to. Again, I wanted so badly to punch her, but our group happened to meet in a church, although I'm pretty sure God himself would've cheered if I did give into my desires and slap the crap out of her. My eyes burnt with tears, not from hurt feelings but from anger. How dare she?! Is there not a nicer way to ask someone to move their buns? and God forbid say thank you for getting up and making me nice warm buns in the first place! And why oh why oh friggin why MUST she control EVERY minute detail of EVERY DAMN THING?!! I wanted to run out, but I didn't. I sat down, and ate. And ate. Filling all the cracks in my heart with warm ooey gooey cinnamon rolls. I began to settle down when she actually had the gall to bring it back up and inform EVERYONE just in case anyone missed it, what my offense was and to please follow the rules and place your food across the room (so everyone has to get up and interrupt conversations to go get their food). Then group was dismissed, I left and came home raging in tears. This was absolutely enough.

Fast forward (I am skipping a lot of drama because this is getting long) 6 months. I have friends, she has friends, and we have many friends in common. Some friends we have in common she did not give two hoots about until recently when she found out they were hanging with me. And now all of a sudden she calls in tears gaining their sympathy, leaving fake lovey dovey Facebook comments, and so forth. It's enough to make me gag. I also have to see her at my daughter's school, so that's always a joy. And what's more, her son and his friend has started bullying my daughter. This has gone on for a few weeks, to the point that I had to step in and say something. My daughter is only 4!! I hoped we could be mature about it, but bitch is her middle name. I had almost forgot.... so I placed calls to the school and then reluctantly I emailed her to tell her what was going on, and also just as a mom, asking her to talk to her son and tell him he is hurting hailey's feelings, and please stop. Her response to this was basically to call my daughter a liar and then she added, why would you assume I can't be mature? Oh gee, who knows. I never said she couldn't be mature, so for her to end with that....just goes to show. So here's where I am. I can't shake her. She's like a bad sore, a festery pimple, a wart, a nasty phlegmmy cough that won't go away! I don't know how to deal with this in a way that will result in anything positive. All I know is, a friend is not a friend if they make you feel "less than". Friends should lift you up, be your cheerleaders, NOT treat you like you're starring in a bad Lifetime Movie. There is no going back, that is clear. I could never take her back as a friend, I know that now. How she has handled everything, including the bullying of my daughter, cements my decision. With that I say good bye and good luck with that to those who choose to endure the abuse.