Take my hand and come out of the closet

Well Brandon is due home tomorrow morning from a fun and active week at 6th grade camp. His grandma asked me several times this week if I missed him, which I found humorous, almost like she doubts my sincerity when I say "uh, sure I do". But of course I missed him, he is most definitely the life of the party here at the Storey household! He has a big personality, and even bigger dreams. And even though sometimes his argumentative nature can wear a Mom down, yes I DID miss him. But for some reason, I am reminded of a different time and be patient while I explain. Let me take a trip down memory lane......you see when he was born, I was a young and clueless mother, who believed that babies ate, pooped and slept. At no point in time did ANYONE including my own mother warn me, that perhaps there would be ear piercing blood curdling crying. So I brought my new little bundle home and my heart never knew such love as this! I was bursting with joy and emotion. And then, 2 weeks later, he began to cry. And by cry, I mean you could hear him out on the street, shrieking cries. You see, out of the blue, he developed colic. Let's look up colic and see what exactly that means, especially to those of you with quiet (well is there really such a thing?) babies: Definition of Colic: Colic consists of recurrent paroxysms of apparent abdominal pain starting at about the second to the sixth week of life and usually ending by four months. These cycles last from three hours a day to 12 to 15 hours a day in severe cases. The child becomes hypertonic, sometimes alternating body posture from contracting into a little ball (thighs flexed up against the abdomen and arms drawn tightly inward), while beet red in coloration, to suddenly stretching out and stiffening almost spastically. Description of Colic: Infants cry, it is their means of vocal expression. There is, however, a group of infants who are healthy but show irritability, crying, and signs of discomfort to a greater extent than others. These infants have colic. This is a common problem arising in the first three months. Babies with colic are prone to lengthy bouts of crying which may or may not stop when the baby is picked up. The definition and description really doesn't do it justice. You really have to be there, experience it to really grasp what a nightmare it can be. Now just humor me here. I am sure you have no idea where I'm going with this. His grandma would take him on occasion for his 1-2 hours of happy time out of the 20+ hours of side splitting window shattering crying he would do. After she left with him, I would do whatever needed done around the house (I know this sounds crazy, but for the people who know about my ex husband, nuff said) and then I would lay down for a much needed coma hibernation nap. As soon as I passed out, the phone would ring, and it would always be my mother in law asking the same haunting question. "Do you miss your little punkin?" Which brings me back to the beginning. Remember now, this has been the question of the week. Now how do I respond to that? Truthfully? Um no. Because the truth would sound cold and make me look like the worst mom on earth. I was already on the verge of tears from the constant incessant crying, coupled with the lack of sleep, but add in a label of cold hearted mother and that might've just sent me over the edge. But honestly, no I did not miss him. I was so exhausted, often going 2 days straight with no sleep at all, that when I did get a little break from the constant crying and projectile pukefests (he had some digestive issues), that uh no, I rather enjoyed my brief siestas. Now this is not to say I didn't love him! But oh if you only knew....the odds were stacked against me from the get go. Now I don't go into this to gain sympathy because well c'mon, lets face it, he's way past the colicky stage now. I survived it and I am proud of it! I did it alone and I came out alive! But whether the kids are colicky or not, whether they're 2 weeks, 2 years or 12, don't we all love a break from time to time?! I know mothers who almost go into depression over being away from the children overnight. Now I just can't grasp that. Not only does it make ME look bad for actually enjoying the occasional break, but what did these people do BEFORE kids? Don't they enjoy having adult time, time with your spouse, time out with the girls...or even time alone with a good book and some Ben and Jerry's? Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I am in the minority on this. I think there's a whole lot of Moms in the closet on this one. Perhaps you are afraid of seeming unloving and uncaring if you admit it, but I am here to say lets stand united and sing Hallelujah for occasional "breaks" we can get! I challenge you to enjoy a stolen night away from the kids, just you and your husband, go have fun (remember? that thing you used to have together before the kids came along and started pecky away your sanity? ha!). Now this is all meant in fun, but isn't there but an air of truth to it? I love my children and I don't know what I'd do without them...but call me selfish, call me stressed, call me crazy, heck call me Conchita if you want, but I CAN however manage to occupy myself for an hour or a day while they're away, and even like it!