Because I Said So!

A friend and fellow blogger is needing our help! She is absolutely fabulous and her wit and humor will leave you wanting to read more, day after day. Please check out her blog Because I Said So, and her new bookYou'll Lose the Baby Weight: (And Other Lies about Pregnancy and Childbirth).

Life Is What You Make It

I know I haven't been keeping up with my blog, and to the few readers I have left, you are troopers! My life has been a little crazy, as I shared in my previous post, my father is very ill. He remains in a nursing home and I continue commuting back and forth to Ohio every 4-6 weeks to visit, help, and just be with him for whatever time he has left. My last trip was pretty sad, I was told there is nothing more they can do for him. He has deteriorated before my eyes for a year and a half. I guess looking back there were signs even before all this happened, but I chose the ignorance is bliss approach. There is no ignoring it now. Although for my 4 siblings, they sure seem to be doing a wonderful job at it. I still get no help or support from them, and even worse, my Dad and step mom get no support when I am not there with them. I do as much as I can both when I'm with them and when I'm home. When I visit, I clean the house, pay the bills, take my Step Mom to doctor visits, go to meetings with my Dad's care providers, visit with him, do special little things that I hope help lift his spirits. When I lost my Mom, not that it was easy because it wasn't, but once again, I'd ignored a lot, and then she was gone. This time around I don't want regrets. The easier way I imagine is what my siblings do, which is nothing. I could make excuses and say because I live 4 hours away, it's just impossible for me to make these trips, uproot my life and my children that often, and well, there is expense involved. But I could not live with myself if I wasn't there for him. I truly don't understand my brothers and sisters, and because of the fact that I've dealt with this alone all this time, I don't have relationships with any of them really. I can be cordial, but I have given up trying to get them to do what I believe to be the right thing in this scenario. All I can do is do what I do, I can only control myself and how I respond to situations. Other than grief and bitterness, I've been peachy! No there have been joys this last year has brought. God works in mysterious ways. All of my old friends that I'd lost touch with over the years, literally ALL of them, have resurfaced in my life. So where I lack sibling support, I have an abundance of friendship. Many are like the sisters I never had. And my husband has been amazing. For all his quirks that I've talked about in previous blogs, I truly don't know what I'd do without him. From the beginning of our relationship to now, he picks up where others pitifully leave off. From caring for my son and helping to raise him, which has not been an easy ride for him given my ex's side of the family, to all the disaster and crisis management he provides me, he is my rock and my soft place to fall. He loves my son as much as he does the daughter we have together. He provides, loves, spends time with, encourages and parents them with me. He reminds me I am not in this life alone. I have a partner and a witness to my life, to all my joys, and all my sadness. And then God did bless me with an incredible sense of humor. I know in my heart I never would have made it out of my disastrous first marriage without 3 things. Faith in God, faith in myself, and an ability to laugh. I struggle with forgiveness but I am human. I struggle to forgive my siblings for their shortcomings with my father. I struggle to forgive the ex for years and years worth of abuse, both that he did to me and to himself. I struggle to forgive friends who've hurt me. I struggle to forgive others who remain in my life because of my son. I'm a work in progress. I'm trying. I always try to be a better person, though some days are better than others. So while this post has been all over the place, maybe some of you can relate to something I've said. Whether it be becoming the parent to your parent, appreciating Gods blessings, overcoming life's traumas, or learning to forgive.... just put one foot in front of the other and remember above all, life isn't easy, but it IS what you make it.

It's been a while.....

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged. I am still among the living. This past year has brought about an abundance of change to my life. The biggest being that my father has been ill for the last year (since last summer) and is now living in a nursing facility for round the clock care. It has been one of the hardest things I have gone through in my life. It has also been a roller coaster ride. Back and forth trips to Ohio almost monthly since August of 2009. He is my only living parent, my mother passed away in 2005. He remarried a lovely lady, my step mother, whom I adore, but she too is in poor health. So it's been much like having 2 extra children and trying to care for them 4 hours away.

It's a long story so I will try to condense it down to a readable version. Last summer I took the kids to Ohio for our usual Summer Retreat to the homeland (we're Buckeyes, born and bred). I had this feeling before I left home that something was going to happen, like this trip was not going to be our usual fun filled adventure. Well I was right, in more than one way. Soon after arriving in Ohio I set up camp at my "best friend's" house. She and her husband had been having marital problems so I was uneasy about staying with them in the first place, simply because I didn't want to add anymore stress to the household than what they already were trying to manage. She insisted I stay so we did so. My daughter ends up getting sick shortly into our visit, ending our short time there with a projectile vomitfest all over their dining room floor. That was my que it was time to go to my Dad's, let her rest, and visit with my family. Also at this time, my friend thought it would be a good idea to lecture me on my parenting decision to send my daughter to kindergarten in the Fall. THAT is a whole story in itself, which I will save for another time or perhaps not even tell. So it was definitely time for us to vacate. Hailey was sick, and I was extremely hurt and agitated by her overly aggressive opinions on my parenting. We get settled in at my Dad's, Hailey gets over her stomach bug and then proceeds to catch a terrible cough! My step mom at this time was also sick and ended up in the hospital on her birthday no less. The day after that, is when my world changed. I was going to drop my son off at his Grandma's and my first instinct was to call her and tell her just to come pick him up. When will I ever learn to go with my gut? I was tired, had been doing a lot of running and a lot of taking care of my father in my step mom's absence. When I go to Ohio for these "vacations", I often feel the need for a vacation by the time I get home! It's more wearing than anyone knows. Anyway, I go to drop him off and my Dad wants to come along for the ride. His mobility was already shaky, but I felt for him being couped up at home all the time. So I told him to wait in the lobby of their apartment building while I pull the car around, then Brandon could help him out to the car. By the time I pull the car around, he was off to the races approaching my car. I jump out scolding him for being too hasty, and the next thing I know, he goes to get in my car, maneuvers the wrong way, and down he goes. He is a big guy and luckily I broke his fall or he would have surely gone backwards cracking his head on the cement. My heart just sank as it seemed to happen in slow motion. Seeing your elderly father in such a helpless state, and not being strong enough to help him back to his feet yourself (even with assistance from my son), it's disheartening to say the least. A kind couple drove by and pulled over, and called 911 for us. They stayed with us until the Medics arrived. The firemen gathered around him and without hesitation, began hoisting him up. However, his leg was under my car door. As they kept yanking I saw that his leg was trapped, so I pointed out that they might want to move him back before pulling him up. They did, then got him up and in the car and were ready to be on their way. I felt they might want to check him out before rushing off...so they checked vitals and told me to call if I needed them again. Now how on earth was I supposed to get him OUT of the car and back inside? I put that on hold while I took my son to drop him off, then I began calling cousins to come help me when I got back to his apartment. Just then my Dad very calmly tells me his leg hurts. I assumed it would, it was probably badly bruised. I told him we would look at it, but first I needed to get help to get him safely back inside. A couple minutes later, he tells me his leg hurts really bad, and that he wants to go to the ER. He was very calm, so I was still thinking it was bruised. I take him to the ER, I sit with him for about an hour, but at this point it's getting late and I have my daughter with me who is sick. So I tell the nurses I am going to run home and get her medicine, a nice warm bath, then I will be back. I do just that, only before I had a chance to come back, the nurse calls me. She informs me they are admitting my Dad, his leg is broken badly in two places!! I begin bawling. All I can think of is how I should have made him stay home or insisted that my ex mother in law come pick up my son for her time with him. A million things rush through my mind, as I bawl into the phone to this stranger. She assures me he is quite comfortable and asks me if I want to talk to him. I sobbed yes, so I pulled it together as they put him on the phone with me. My Dad sounded fine and dandy (thanks to Morphine), as I whimpered to him how sorry I was. He jovially asked me why I was sorry? He said "you didn't push me down, I fell". Well yes, there is that small comfort that I didn't throw my Dad down to the ground, but still, if I'd done one little thing differently, his leg would still be in one piece and none of this would be happening. So we wrap up our conversation with I love you's, then he puts the nurse back on the phone. She proceeds to tell me that my Dad will need surgery the next day to fix the breaks. I fell apart all over again, once again sobbing to this barer of bad news. This surgery would set in motion a whole chain of events that would be the downfall of my father. He has not been "right" since last summer. He has not been home since last summer. He has been in and out of hospitals, and is now in his 3rd nursing facility. He has never fully regained his mobility, his overall health has declined, his diabetes is out of control, we learned he has congestive heart failure and kidney failure, and last but not least, some dementia that at times, resembles Alzheimer's. Every visit I make is bittersweet now. It's always good to see Daddy, but seeing him in the state he's in now, and gradually getting worse, is a constant weight in my heart. As for my step mom, she is now also in the same nursing facility, though hopefully not permanently. I continue to make my treks back and forth, as none of my siblings that live down there are helpful in any way. It's the right thing to do, to be there for your parents, to visit, to care, to help. Because one day I will be old and frail and I will hope that my children take heart and visit me too.

It's all good until you get a recycled number

I am a huge fan of recycling. This wasn't always so. I used to be a pitcher. I hate clutter, and I like(d) the instant gratification pitching things in the trash gives you. Ahhhhhh, that clean & organized feeling. I hate piles, don't even get me started. And lets face it, recycling is a bit of work. These reycling centers are picky about the condition the recyclables are in. You must be detail oriented. Remove staples, bottle caps, paper wrappers, wash and rinse...okay, so it's effort, big whoop. I hopped aboard this crazy train about 2 years ago, thanks to my son in part, and the Psychotic Pimple (ex friend, see previous blog post for more info). As much as I'd like to dismiss any and all advice or demands she ever gave me, this one has stuck.

However, there is one thing I would prefer not to be recycled for my convenience. And this would be........my telephone number. My son got a cell phone for his birthday. Yay right? Well no, not really. His phone has been ringing incessantly!!!What you say? Does he have a secret life? Who is calling him all hours day and night? At first I was geared up to lecture him on the evils of giving every Tom Dick and Harry his new cell number. But then he showed me the numbers that were calling all hours of the day and night, and they were all various 800 numbers. Then I started answering his cell phone for him. Here's how a couple of the calls went:

ring ring ring ring

ME: hello?

Western Watts Corporation: (heavy accent) Hi m'am! garble garble garble 10 minute survey garble garble garble jibberish?

ME: Please take our number off your list, this is my son's cell phone.

Western Watts Corporation: Ma'm, garble jibberish survey and jibberish garble of your time?

ME: click

ring ring ring ring ring

ME: hello?

Unidentified caller: Is (name has been changed to protect lady that gave everyone except her mother her cell phone number) Lilly Bilkins available?

ME: no, you have the wrong number, please take us off your list, this is my son's cell phone

THEM: Oh, are you sure she isn't there?

ME: Um yes, unless she is hiding under our stairs, I'm fairly sure she isn't here

THEM: silence.....

ME: My son just got this cell number, please remove it from your list

THEM: um okay

ring ring ring ring ring

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! (that would be me)

ME: HELLO?

Some financial institution that speaks part french and I couldn't tell you much of what the automated thing said until Spencer got on the line

Spencer: Hello, is Sissy Bilkins there?

ME: Who?

Spenser: Sissy Bilkins

ME: It's Lilly Bilkins

Spencer: I apologize m'am, are you Sissy..I mean Lilly Bilkins?

ME: *heavy sigh* No

Spencer: Okay ma'm, is there a better time to reach her?

ME: No

Spencer: I'm not sure I understand?

ME: you have the wrong number, you and 10 other people, are calling my teenage son sir, please stop it

Spencer: This isn't Sis...I mean Lilly Bilkins number?

ME: No

Spencer: Oh I am doubly sorry ma'm for your inconvenience but it will take 48-72 hours for this number to be removed from our list. Until then, please accept my apologies for any future calls.

ME: SILENCE

ring ring ring ring ring......

Now I am going to have some fun.......

ME: (in a heavy southern accent) PURDY'S PAINTING, THIS IS POLLY SPEAKING, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?!!

Telemarketer or debt collector, take your pick: Short pause....."Um, is Mrs. Bilkins available? May I speak with Mrs. Lilly Bilkins please?

ME: heavy accent: why you sure can't ma'm!! NEED I REMIND YOU THIS IS PURDY'S PAINTING?! THERE IS NOONE HERE BY THAT NAME HON, BUT IF YOU ARE IN NEED OR FIXIN TO PAINT THEN I'M YOUR GIRL!

THEM: dead silence

ME: HON? YOU THERE SWEETIE? WELL SHUCKS, DID I LOSE YA?

THEM: CLICK

Okay okay okay.....I'm bad. It's not their fault that we got a number that happened to be pre-used and apparently well advertised. But I can't help but get my bloomers in a twist, as every time they call it chews up our minutes, wastes not just minutes on our plan, but minutes of MY LIFE, and Brandon can't even enjoy one uninterupted phone call without some other random 800 caller beeping in. We could ignore the calls and let them flow freely to voicemail and hope that one day they would get the hint and go away. But I don't think that would happen anytime soon. Meanwhile, we'd be stuck listening and deleting 20 voicemails a day. No I think our only option is to give back Lilly's number, and tell them we don't really like Lilly. She was a little too loose with that cell number if you ask me.

Spring has sprung!

Well this week was certainly better than the last! Weather wise, attitude wise, it was better. The beginning of the week greeted us with a warm high of 68 degrees. I got a lot of yard work done and could barely move by Wednesday. The temperature dropped sharply by Thursday to 23 degrees (need I remind you where I live? Antartica! Michigan really, but that's my nickname). So the fun in the sun...or yard, came to a hault until today. The sun peeked out mid afternoon and got up to 52....so out we went, Hailey singing loudly Happy Burtday to Aunt Backy, Happy Burtday to Aunt Backy... and riding her Dora bike, while I rake my neverending yard. Then I saw woodpeckers and I knew Spring is finally here. If you haven't read my older posts, go back and read 100 Acre Woods. We have a multitude of wildlife here, so once I start seeing Woody and Hootie, I know it's just a matter of time before warm temps are here to stay.

So I raked and raked and was pretty proud of my accomplishments. Two hours later my back was beginning to tell me it's time for a break. Then I went along the side of the house to do just one more area around the bushes. We have a hill that leads down to the brooke. I was up around the bushes furiously raking dead leaves when I lost my footing, hit a mud slide and away I went! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Luckily I caught myself before I went into the rushing river little brooke in our yard! My daughter wasn't phased by my tumble, in fact, she told me she couldn't catch me. Thanks darling. What a dear. Anyway, so I got up and looked around (for anyone shooting a You Tube video) and dusted myself off, put the rake up by the deck, and decided that was my que. Two hours is a good run for raking anyway. By now I've spent 6 hours this week on the yard, mostly raking, and other cleanup. It's coming together nicely. Once the grass turns green again, I'll take a pic and post it. Right now, there's some sad bald patches and brown grass. I am hoping it will turn back to green, it gives the yard a healthier glow that way.

Where to begin?

Okay so I joined Twitter recently and have been exposed to a whole new online community! I've found new blogs to enjoy, new friends to chat with, and a slew of blogging resources. Where to begin? I would like to step it up on a notch here and revamp my blog, but I haven't the foggiest clue how or where to begin? I want a new layout, more readers, more exposure, more more more! ha! I have found that there are "professional bloggers" out there. What? Whaaaaaaat? There is such a thing? Well sign me up! Count me in! I did find, via Problogger, a job board, so I will be looking into that tomorrow. I love to write, and I would love to do it as a career/profession. I've always wanted to write a book, in fact, several people have told me I should. Yet, I haven't. So I have decided to pursue what I want to be when I grow up....a writer! Do I think I'll be the next Best Seller? Who knows. I just want to write. Whether it goes Global or stays within the confines of my little corner of the internet, then so be it, I'm writing. Even better to get paid to do it, but hey, beggers can't be choosers. So if anyone out there has any tips, advice, direction, guidance, therapy....well let me have it; Point me in the right direction please!

Queen of Relationships Contest

I am posting this on behalf of a fellow blogger, and absolutely fabulous woman! Without further ado......

(This was copied from her website, there will be a link at the end so you can run over and check her awesome blog out!) It’s Time For A Contest!!Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Gerbils and Hamsters…It’s time for our first..and I do mean our FIRST…Queen of Relationships Contest! Are you excited? I know I am. I thought since we have a new look and all, it was time for something different and fun! So, with that being said….let the games begin! PRIZE: $100 + Your entry will be published on my blog with your personal and/or business links, etc. 1. You must subscribe to The Queen of Relationships Blog by RSS feed or email. Oh come on, you knew that was coming. 2. If you post the contest on your blog, website, twitter etc..you get an extra entry for each post. You must show me where it’s been posted. 3. You must e-mail your contest entry to queen@queenofrelationships.com 4. You must put “QOR Entry” in subject line. 5. Contest will end April 10th, 2009 @ 6:00 pm. 6. Monies will be mailed out the day after the contest. Contest Entry Must Include: You must dig deep into your soul, yes I said dig and I do mean dig…The Queen would like for you to answer one simple question, which is “What is the meaning of true love?”. You can write about an experience, a situation, the first time you knew you were in love, etc. There is no right or wrong answer because it’s your opinion and your feelings. Don’t worry, entries will not be graded on grammar or dangling participles..did I just say that? While I love reading, please try to keep it within a few paragraphs….unless you just can’t help yourself. Hey, love does that to people sometimes. So, with that being said, it’s time for you to start writing so I can start reading. Good luck! It’s Time For A Contest!!Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Gerbils and Hamsters…It’s time for our first..and I do mean our FIRST…Queen of Relationships Contest! Are you excited? I know I am. I thought since we have a new look and all, it was time for something different and fun! So, with that being said….let the games begin! PRIZE: $100 + Your entry will be published on my blog with your personal and/or business links, etc. 1. You must subscribe to The Queen of Relationships Blog by RSS feed or email. Oh come on, you knew that was coming. 2. If you post the contest on your blog, website, twitter etc..you get an extra entry for each post. You must show me where it’s been posted. 3. You must e-mail your contest entry to queen@queenofrelationships.com 4. You must put “QOR Entry” in subject line. 5. Contest will end April 10th, 2009 @ 6:00 pm. 6. Monies will be mailed out the day after the contest. Contest Entry Must Include: You must dig deep into your soul, yes I said dig and I do mean dig…The Queen would like for you to answer one simple question, which is “What is the meaning of true love?”. You can write about an experience, a situation, the first time you knew you were in love, etc. There is no right or wrong answer because it’s your opinion and your feelings. Don’t worry, entries will not be graded on grammar or dangling participles..did I just say that? While I love reading, please try to keep it within a few paragraphs….unless you just can’t help yourself. Hey, love does that to people sometimes. So, with that being said, it’s time for you to start writing so I can start reading. Good luck! http://queenofrelationships.com/its-time-for-a-contest/